We are nice gentle innocent cute people!!!
It's the entertainment that counts!
We take turns to bitch about things we don't like!
Sometimes even about things we like~
Depends on our moods~!!!
JUST DON'T TRY TO MESS WITH US!
Prison
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To beat up assholes!
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Smart Women, must read!
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’
‘Yep,’ the wife replied, In-laws.’
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
‘The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, ‘You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.’
The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job and I can just wait for my coffee.’
Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’
Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’ So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says………. ‘HEBREWS’
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Complained @ 8:28 PM
Dear members of SPWA...
Just received news that our beloved Nigel's father just passed away.
Some of us will be meeting at 6.30 at Bedok mrt to go visit.
If you are able to make it, give me (Juliana) a call and we can meet and go together!
I'm not sure about the exact address but Jiao will be bringing us there =(
The wake will be till 23 July 2010 (Friday). Do drop by for a visit if you are free~
Labels: Nigel Dad
Complained @ 3:42 PM
The never-ending story...
It’s a very small community we leave in…. so must be very cautious lah!
One day, the boss of a MNC told his secretary, ‘Two days later, accompany me to Beijing.’
The secretary called her husband and said, ‘Two days later, I'll be going to Beijing for a meeting.’
The husband called his secret lover and said, ‘For the next few days, my wife will be out of town.
Baby, come to my place. We’ve fun.’
The secret lover called her primary school student and said, ‘Ah boy, for the next two to four days, I’m busy. You may enjoy your holiday.’
The student called his grandfather and said, ‘Ah Kong, my tuition teacher took off and I’ve two days holiday. Can you come and play with me?’
The grandfather called his secretary and said, ‘Cancel the trip to Beijing. I’ve to play with my grandson.’
The secretary called his husband and said, ‘Beijing's meeting has cancelled.'
Her husband called his secret lover and said, ‘My wife’ business trip to Beijing has cancelled.
You don't have to come to my place..’
The secret lover called his student and said, ‘Ah Boy. Class not cancel.’
The student called his grandpa, ‘Ah Kong, my teacher just called and she said class not cancel.
So, you don’t have to come.’
The Grandfather called his secretary again and said, ‘I think it’s a wise idea to go Beijing…’ _
Labels: The never-ending story
Complained @ 11:29 PM
To be fair because the previous post was for the guys~
http://www.sexhax.com/fempee.html
Women have their own set of challenges when urinating. Most public restrooms are pretty gross, and port-a-potties - let's not even go there. Here are some no-contact peeing tips for when the facilities are less than hygienic - or when there are no facilities.
The Hover
A time-honored position, which no doubt gave birth to the homily "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seat-ie." Pull down your pants and underwear (being careful not to allow them to come in contact with the rim of the toilet), stand with your feet shoulder width apart, and situate your rear over the bowl. Because of the difficulty of precisely aiming and the variable pattern of the pee stream, this will leave droplets on the seat - which is why you had to hover in the first place - thus continuing the cycle. This pose also tones your quads, glutes, and abs.
The Travel Buddy
A variety of trough-shaped or funnel-like devices have been designed to allow women to urinate standing up. They're intended for camping and traveling, but they're also handy if you can't bring yourself to sit on a filthy toilet seat, or there's a line for the ladies bathroom and you're desperate enough to sneak into the men's. They also allow you to enjoy a heretofore male privilege: taking a casual leak behind a tree or dumpster. Most can be used through your fly - just push your underwear aside and position the device to catch the urine flow, then rinse it off when you're done.
The Squat
The sit-down toilet is a relatively modern invention, and many cultures around the world still prefer to answer nature's call in the squatting position. Climb up on the seat with a foot on either side, balance over the bowl, and let gravity take care of the rest. Don't attempt this while wearing heels.
DIY Urinary Device
You can make your own stand-up-to-pee device with a funnel and a length of rubber tubing. Keep one under the seat of your car for roadside "emergencies."
Going Commando
For the bold and adventurous. Some women claim to be able to urinate standing up - even through their flies - by tightly pulling up the skin around their pubic area. This brings their urethra up to a higher position. They say the trick is to hold everything just so, start off with a strong stream, and cut it off quickly at the end. This is probably easier if you're not wearing underwear. Better practice this one at home in the shower until you perfect it.
Labels: Urinary Hacks for Women
Complained @ 9:38 AM
How to Pee With Morning Wood
http://www.sexhax.com/peeing.html
Every morning men wake up to this catch-22: you desperately have to pee, but you have an erection, which makes it hard to urinate, but the hard-on won't go away until you empty your bladder. It's almost impossible to aim at the toilet when your penis is pointing the wrong way, so you end up peeing on the wall, the floor, or yourself.
You may have developed your own technique for dealing with this catch-22, but if not, here are some methods to take care of the aiming part, customized for the angle of your dangle.
The Flying Wallenda
If your erection angles up acutely, pointing at the ceiling, you’re out of luck. Your best bet is to install a trapeze over your toilet so you can hang upside down and let gravity do the rest. Warning: Attempting this maneuver using the shower curtain rod may result in head injury.
Strong Arming
This is the brute force method. If your penis points straight out or up, you may have to bend it to your will. Grasp the shaft or press down on the top gently but firmly so your boner bends downward, pointing toward the bowl. Keep the pressure on and don’t let it slip, or you may end up spraying the wall or squirting yourself in the face. Note: In some cases this won’t work because bending constricts the flow of urine too much. If your erection is too hard, don’t force it down – you could break something, seriously.
The Lunge
If your morning wood slopes at a downward angle, consider yourself blessed. All you need to do is lunge forward so your stream of urine angles into the toilet. This prevents you from overshooting the bowl. Toward the end, as your stream gets weaker, you can deepen the lunge to avoid dribbling on the floor.
Downward Dog
This position will work for just about anybody, but it is a little difficult to get into, and – if someone walks in on you – potentially kind of embarrassing. Stand facing away from the toilet, with a foot on either side of the bowl. Bend forward at the waist until you’re touching the floor (or the opposing wall, or the tub, depending on your bathroom layout). Adjust your stance so your junk is well inside the bowl - you don't want the pee to run down your front. If you get caught, claim that you like to wake up with a morning yoga workout.
Note: This position may encourage you to take better aim in general, since it will bring you face-to-face with the residue of near-misses and splatters that coat the floor and outer bowl surface.
The Plank 
Another one for guys who point straight out or slightly down. Stand a foot or two away from the toilet and lean forward, supporting your weight by putting your hands on the wall above the toilet. Take aim and hold your body rigid. This position also strengthens your abs and core muscles.
The Girly Man
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and sit down to pee. Sit on the john with your legs apart and lean forward so your penis points down into the bowl. You may have to press down on your erection slightly to make sure you don't pee out and down the front of the bowl. And no, sitting down doesn’t make you any less manly, especially if there are extenuating circumstances. What? You say it’s so long you can’t keep it from dragging in the water? Oh, alright then.
Leg Up 
It’s not uncommon to have an erection that curves to one side or the other. If yours does this, you’ll need to compensate accordingly. Use the bathroom walls to brace yourself as you balance on one foot and tilt your body until your curve is pointing down toward the toilet bowl. You might want to install a grab bar by the toilet if you do this regularly.
The Superman
If you're a man of steel in the morning, you might as well be a superhero. Tie on the bedsheet for a cape, mount the bowl in a single bound, and make like you're flying. Hopefully the pressure relief will be like Kryptonite for your boner.
PS: This is not a R(A) blog... I just found it funny! hahahahhaa
Labels: How to Pee With Morning Wood
Complained @ 9:20 AM
Moishe Plotnik's Laundry
(a true story)
Walking through San Francisco 's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners.....
When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry.'
'Moishe Plotnik?' he wondered. "How does that belong in Chinatown ?"
He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking drycleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office. Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase.
The tourist asked, "Can you explain how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry?'
The old man answered, "Ah..Evleebody ask me that. It name of owner."
Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here now?"
"It's me, Me him!" replied the old man.
"Really? You're Chinese. How did you ever get a Jewish name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple," said the old man. "Many, many year ago I come to this country. I standing in line at ' Documentation Center of Immigration.'
Man in front of me was Jewish man from Poland ."
"Lady at counter look at him and say to him, "What your name?"
He say to her, "Moishe Plotnik."
Then she look at me and say, "What your name?"
I say, "Sam Ting."
Labels: Moishe Plotnik Laundry
Complained @ 11:14 AM
To celebrate the new business acquisition, Ah Chong decided to visit a pub in Jalan Imbi, KL and have a glass of wine.
As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.
He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Malay, Mandarin, Tamil & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. An Chong was spellbound!. He just could not believe it!
.
Till this day, Ah Chong has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!
End of story! Phew!
Labels: Ah Chong
Complained @ 11:02 AM